The Ironic Life of Sasuke
by bevino
Summary: Little cute fic from Sasuke's point of view. Now beta'd.


**The Ironic ****Life of Sasuke  
**by Bevino  
beta'd by Word Salad

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Naruto let his finger cross his mouth perpendicular, smiling, with glittering eyes, shutting me down.

Just at the other side of the bridge he sat, on the tree rail.

I had never really been told to shut up before, and no one ever told me to be quiet. And that was because I didn't have anything to say. When someone talked, I listened. Sure I had my opinions, but I never spoke up and told them out loud.

And then it was the fate of the irony.

Yes, again.

I had stumbled over many of those in my days.

The first, yeah, big one, was Sakura. She fell in love with me, and Naruto fell in love with her. She started it, really. And yes, that was kind of ironic. But as you can imagine, it only got worse. I fulfilled it, falling in love with Naruto. And look, a triangle, in team 7. It was like the Bermuda Triangle. Step inside and you will never make it out alive.

We went on like that for some years.

Shikamaru told Naruto that we had been very troublesome.

The second ironic thing in my life must have been when I ran away to Orochimaru, only to realise that Naruto had been right the whole time. All Orochimaru had wanted, was my body. _My body_. Like I would give that up for something like killing Itachi.

And yes, that was another ironic thing. I trained for so many years, only to have my dobe make me realise that revenge was not so sweet. Just look how much he had suffered by the revenge of the villagers. I didn't want to hurt anyone that way. Not if it wasn't a mission or something. But, in practice, a mission is not a revenge thing. You just kill some people.

But that just make me think even more. Maybe there are families to the ones I kill, who don't have Narutos in their lives to make them realise things.

And why do I kill at all, when I think it's so wrong?

Yes, I said it. It's wrong killing, even if it's enemies or psychos like Orochimaru and Itachi. It's wrong, and I hate it. Someday I will stop it. But I'm not so sure I can, really. I have grown used to it. Heh, it sounds like I'm a killing machine, but I'm not. It's not so often I kill people on missions nowadays. But I can't promise to stop.

What if someone tried to kill Naruto?

Yes, then I have to save him, killing or not.

But I digress. See how many ironic things I already told you, only to talk about another. I mean, a ninja not wanting to kill. But Naruto manages it. The prisons are full, but he is happy. Don't know about the prison guards, but I don't know them. They are not important.

But I digress again. Orochimaru, the second irony. I didn't become any stronger there. It was only my cursed seal that told me what to do, and where to go. I didn't want to leave, but the seal wanted to come home, whether I said "moooo" or "boooo". You know, like the cow?

"Moooooo?"

Oh, shit, did I say that aloud? God, that's so embarrassing. I hide my face in my hand to cover my blush. I can't look at them. I look up, to find Kakashi trying to hide his snicker, Sakura watching me with wide eyes before she breaks down, laughing. Naruto is already lying on the ground, holding his stomach as he laughs.

I made cow sounds in front of my teammates and sensei.

"What on earth are you doing, Sasuke?" Naruto manages to say between his laughs.

"Che." I say. I want to find a trapdoor in the bridge, crawl into it, to hide for a while. "Just thinking."

"Hahaha! About what, cows?" Sakura screams, tears running down her face. "Oh god, I can't wait to tell Ino about this!"

"Hah, that's really funny." I shoot a glare at my sensei who said those words, only to find him fail his snicker and laughing his guts out. I've never really seen him laugh. To think it took a cow sound to see him do it. I blush even darker.

"Just forget about it," I mumble.

Look, just because I talked about Orochimaru, I look like an idiot. But I can't help but smile. Really, it was pretty funny. It doesn't take long before I'm laughing together with them. That is one rare thing, but I can't hold myself. I have become more open-minded since I become Naruto's best friend.

Yes, I'm Naruto's best friend. Maybe that is one ironic thing too? When I first met him, I hated him. Too bright, to cheery, to happy, to loud, to much, just to much. I made him my rival. Yes, it had to be that way. I'm the moon and him the sun. We are, or were, each other's opposites, and life and Mother Nature made us rivals. I don't really know how we became best friends. We just did. I don't think I can live without him. Or maybe I'd become a shell again, like when I only sought revenge.

But if you want to know a secret, I will tell you. Naruto doesn't want anybody to know, but he will never hear about this. Actually, we are lovers.

It feels so good to say, you know. That is one thing I want to shout out to the world. We Are Lovers, I will say in a white speaker, and everyone will cheer on us. Hooray, they will scream.

I look up. They are still training, me sitting on the side. We have arrived to the training grounds, and I drool as I see Naruto without a shirt.

I'm safe. I didn't "hooray" out loud.

But Naruto wants it to be kept quiet.

So yes, the ironic thing is that I first hated Naruto, my sun, and then became his best friend. And now he is my lover, and I am his. I really love him. I realised it when we become team 7 again, after I was rescued from Orochimaru.

And yes, there is another ironic thing. But that's not really about me. You know about the Kyuubi, right? Orochimaru isn't dead, and why, you ask, isn't your seal calling? It turned out that Naruto had the born ability to master seals, in one or another way. He took it away.

If we only had known before I left him at that waterfall.

But Naruto saved me. And I love him.

You know, it's great to have a best friend—who you can both talk to and make love to. We are best friends, no one will ever take his place, and we love each other.

And that, finally, brings me to the last thing, the thing that made me start with this from the beginning.

_"I had never really been told to shut up before, and no one ever told me to be quiet. And that was because I didn't have anything to say. When someone talked, I listened. Sure I had my opinions, but I never spoke up and told them out loud."_

And the ironic thing.

When I finally want to tell Naruto my deepest feeling, to utter the words to him from the centre of my heart, the words that he need to be told, and the words I need to tell him, yes, when I begin on the "I"—yeah, that's right. He shuts me down.

With his finger across his mouth perpendicular, the mouth itself smiling and with those glittering eyes.

He shuts me down.

And the words stay on my tongue.

Why?

I have no idea. Maybe he's afraid, maybe he doesn't believe in the words.

Maybe he doesn't love me.

Just the thought about it make me furious. We don't live together, we don't have a house or a dog. I have an extra toothbrush in his bathroom, and he has one in mine, but nothing more. I love to sleep with him, and I love every breath he takes. My love for him is unbearable, and to make me sane, I have to utter the words.

Did you know I tell him I love him when he is asleep? Over and over I utter the words, knowing he won't shut me down. But, in the end, he doesn't hear.

And I try to tell him it whenever I get the chance. Like earlier, on the bridge.

Naruto hasn't told me he love me either. Maybe because he doesn't love me. I shut my eyes, and the black surrounds me. Just the thought of it makes me sick, and I feel like throwing up. You have to understand how much he means to me.

"Is something wrong?"

I look at him. He is bending over me, reminiscent of last night's activities, and his pale eyebrows are furrowed. Naruto is worried about me. And I want to tell him. I want to pour my soul into the words, and I want to speak. I want to scream—something I never do unless in a fight or in bed. Naruto thought that was funny. That I was a screamer in bed and he wasn't. Yes, ironic.

"Why, Naruto?" I whisper up in his eyes.

"Why what?"

"Why can't I tell you?" He smiles a sad smile, closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"I don't want you to regret your words."

Yes. There it is. It is ironic. That he thinks that I would regret my words. I would never regret something I utter, unless they are very wrong. Like when I told him I wanted to kill him. That was wrong.

Even though I think about strangle him right now.

I let my hands wander up to his face—not to strangle him, breath out—and cup his cheeks. Naruto is handsome. I kiss him lightly on his lips, and I hear the gasp form Sakura and the thud when Kakashi's book hits the grass.

"I love you, Uzumaki Naruto," I say, loud enough to make Orochimaru and Itachi hear my voice from their cells in the prison of the Hidden Leaf Village Konoha.

"I love you, Uzumaki Naruto," I say again, loud enough to make Sakura and Kakashi hear me.

_"I love you, Uzumaki Naruto,"_ I say, no louder that a whisper, only loud enough to make only Uzumaki Naruto himself hear it.

Later that day, when training was over, I walked together with him. He had the dearest smile on his lips, and I heard him singing as he tangled his fingers with mine. I was happy. I felt happy, and I felt safe. The taller male next to me, and I loved him and he loved me.

Did you know that the loud one didn't need to utter the words, but the one who almost never opened his mouth—except when Naruto kissed me—had to say everything?

Yes, Love itself is ironic.

"And so I came to the conclusion that everything is the fate of the irony," I told him. He shook his head, and smiled.

And then I found a new sentence on my lips, a question this time.

"Naruto, do you want to ma—"

His finger crossed his mouth, smiling, glittering eyes, shutting me down.

"Naruto!?" I growled. What was up with him now?

"Haha, take it easy, my teme." He laughed, but not so much as when I mooed like a cow. God, just the though of it makes me blush.

"It's my turn to speak."

My hand was left alone as he begun to run in front of me, challenging me. I smirked and began to move my legs faster. Soon we will marry, and then we will move in with each other, and then he will impregnate me, and then we will be a family. After a while, right now I wanted to have him all to myself.

"And you know what?!" he screamed into the sunset.

"I never believed in the fate of the irony!"

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The End


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